The Commitment
It has been a long time since I have posted in my blog or written a post about The Commitment. Pretty sure that I make every excuse not to keep up with a weekly blog, so it truly is my fault for this current state of frustration I am in. I have been praying and fasting with my local church for a 21 day fast. Today is day 14. I really forget the importance of fasting. It is not just about giving up Earthly things during the fast, but it is also about seeking a deeper level of faith to gain answers to the questions that we so often have.
I absolutely love my commitment with God and all of the blessings that I have received because of my own commitment journey. I just don’t always know how to share it in the right way. I believed from the bottom of my heart that writing about my journey would help so many others but it just seems impossible to reach a real and large audience. I often doubt my book and wonder if it is good enough. I know that I am not the best author / writer out there but I just can’t help thinking that God put this message on my heart for a reason. I was trying to fulfill what I thought was part of my plan by writing this book, but somehow it seems like a failure. I have spent time and money attempting to get assistance with social media; it didn’t lead to much success. I often wonder if I should keep up with my website and this blog. How do people create awareness about their “missions” in life? Maybe this is just the Devil trying to keep me silent so that more people won’t learn about the commitment.
These are things that I am going to continue to pray about during the fast. Maybe my vision of what the book should be and God’s vision are completely different. Maybe I am not on the same page with God at all. Maybe I am not trying hard enough. What could be getting in the way of spreading the message of the commitment? After all these years I’m not sure it will go farther than it is at this moment.
There is something that I am sure of, and that is that God is faithful. I know that he has a plan for my life; he has already proven that. During this fast I hope to get back on the same page with God even if it means hearing the word “no”, “not now”, or “this isn’t going to work.” What I do know is that anytime I have heard those exact words from the holy spirit it doesn’t mean that my journey is over. It just means that my journey has some unexpected turns around the corner. I plan to seek him diligently for the rest of this 21 day fast and listen to all that God wants me to know. I feel better getting this out. I am working on realizing that I am not perfect, never going to be perfect, and don’t need to hide the fact that I have fears and doubts as well. That is why I love God so much. He is perfect and has the perfect plan for each of us and I still believe that it comes through the commitment we share with him.
What are you believing God for?…….
Throughout my journey with God He has shown me that his faithfulness comes in the most unusual ways but always works out for the best. I have been thinking a lot about writing a new blog, and wanted it to be truly unique so that it’s message could be unusual in a way that glorifies God. I have found the perfect circumstance to fit that desire.
My daughter is a little over three years old. When she was born I felt like time stood still. We locked eyes in a special way and I knew that she had an angel presence about her. She was beautiful, alert, and quiet in such a gentle way that it took my breath away. I admired her from the beginning and had a knowing that she would be better then me. I want her to be. I want her to become the woman that I am still striving to be. With each moment that passed since her birth she left me amazed with her presence. It was like she just “got it” from the very beginning. Everything was easy with her. I could go anywhere and do anything and she just knew the right way to be, act, and interact along the way. It was hard to believe this was only three weeks into her sweet life on earth. Around the one month mark I began to notice that she was coughing and making funny noises. I took her to the doctor but because it was the weekend, it was a doctor she doesn’t normally see. He didn’t perform any tests and tried to tell me that she had “physiological reflux”. I went home frustrated and did some research. I couldn’t find anything on this whatsoever. A day passed and then another while she declined. I called Lynsie to talk but ended up getting some good Mom advice. As a nurse, Lynsie listened to me and suggested strongly that I call back. I did and that was the moment that saved my daughter the first time.
I took her to her regular doctor and he quickly noticed her symptoms and diagnosed her with RSV. I had heard this term but didn’t really know what it was all about. He informed me that it would involve further treatment. I felt some guilty relief in that moment thinking “great, let’s get some antibiotics and get her better.” He informed me that she would be going to the hospital for “supportive care.” So I drove her to the hospital and spent a grueling 32 hours with her. She was easy and compliant, it was watching her getting poked, suctioned, and throw up multiple times that took it’s toll on the both of us. I realized that my “perfect” daughter already had a big bump in the road. I think in that moment I still felt like it wasn’t a big deal but secretly was very concerned. She improved dramatically and we went home. No one prepared me for what was to come. I learned that babies who have RSV can be diagnosed with asthma. What followed was months of coughing, wheezing, sleepless nights for all, and panic as a Mom who wanted her daughter to recover. I realize that this is minor compared to what other children and people go through. I also have learned that pain is pain and it still hurts no matter what the situation may be. I have been to the doctor with her more times then in my entire life without her. She has had what seems like every test and organ checked out before the age of two that I couldn’t think of what could possibly be left undone medically at that point. I panicked, had anxiety, cried, and was feeling concerned that this simple nightmare would never end. Yes, the sleepless nights got to me but not because I couldn’t manage, but because I couldn’t stand to watch her suffer night after night. I began to do what I know works beyond all human intervention. I began to pray.
I didn’t get demanding or unfaithful with my prayers but I just began to ask for a healing in God’s timing. One of the things that I have learned is that God is going to do whatever He wants according to his will, so I began to ask that if she is going to have asthma that it be easy and manageable for her. I began to accept this as her new normal. I made some diet changes for her and started to see some improvement. Summer is here is always the easy season for her. As she continued on not really getting worse but not really getting better, I began to decline. I have always struggled with allergies but as I have aged it has gotten worse. I began going to an allergist and discovered I am allergic to what feels like just about everything. I have an allergy to some foods, environment, and even pet allergies I was unaware of. It seemed like at this point my daughter and I were both struggling. My prayers began to change as I realized from speaking with my doctor that it was possible my condition could get worse. I began doing allergy shots only to find out after a year I have had even more symptoms. I never really prayed about my situation because I have been concerned about my daughter since basically her birth. One night I was praying and thinking about accepting her circumstance asking God to help me accept this for her if this was his will when he spoke to me. The holy spirit was clear in saying “She’s growing out of it but you are growing into it.” At first I was bummed but I was so quick to respond and say “give it to me.” “If it means that she can heal, I will take it, all of it.” I felt peace and understanding with that prayer. I felt that I was heard and that God would do something.
Just a few days ago I went to the allergist for my annual appointment to follow up and report my symptoms. I have been struggling to breath and it has become more apparent to me that something has changed. After talking with me and completing his exam, he informed me that I officially have asthma. Of course at this point I was a little sad and frustrated. As I came home and let it sink; in two things came to my mind. The first was if this is the worst thing I have to deal with at this moment that I am doing okay. The second thing was a sweet reminder from the Holy Spirit about God’s plan. I was quickly reminded that I was “growing into it” as I had discovered in my prayers. I felt some relief because in that moment all I remembered was that “she is growing out of it.” I could only think about my sweet daughter who deserves the best. I realized that it was a reminder of the transformation God would make in her life. I have always known that God works in mysterious ways but this situation proved that his plan is unique and that He keeps his promises. I felt so passionate about sharing this because it really shows that God will do what we ask of him even if it means a sacrifice. I am excited that I have to look forward to my daughter having a complete healing. I also know that God will give me the resources to manage my own symptoms. I feel so confident with such a simple medical issue that God will help me to overcome this in whatever way that I can. I know that it is much easier as an adult to deal with this then it would ever be for my daughter.
I share this because I think it is important to remember that we serve a God who is faithful and will commit to us as long as we commit to him. We also serve a God that heals and provides the means to heal even the hardest of circumstances. It reminded me that I might need to sacrifice for the will of God but that He will continue to protect me and my daughter with only the best intentions. Being in the commitment with God means sacrificing, but it also means receiving blessings beyond measure. I have learned that when the Holy Spirit speaks, it is the God given truth and is not to be taken lightly. God has the final say in everything so we don’t have to be afraid with what He hands us.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight.” Proverbs: 3-5
www.johannaandrews4tc.com
There are many storms of life but a new fear arose in the Andrews household when the weather report called for a catastrophic hurricane. I have been through two other hurricanes on the East Coast of Florida but my husband has never had the experience of the before and after affects of a hurricane. Her name was Irma. She gave her notice to the world at least a week and a half before confirming that she was heading directly for our state of Florida.
Usually in our marriage I am the one who worries about most things. Chris is always the level headed one who continues to remind me that things are always going to be okay. Not this time. There was fear, worry, and skepticism that our household would remain unscathed from such a terrible event. I found myself drawing on my tiny faith yet again to help stabilize the emotions going on in our home. Fortunately with small children they will have little to no memory of the events that occurred.
I remember talking with Chris and reassuring him that everything would be okay. We discussed our plans, our house, when we would leave and how we would prepare. Emotions were high and even I was scared. So I went to my bible and found one of my favorite verses that is becoming a theme for our family.
“Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
I began praying and asking for God’s protection. Chris was scared, concerned, and not sure what to expect. Our conversation went from the factual details about the storm to making sure that we have the faith to know that God will protect us and pull us through this if we rely on him. It taught me that we can’t just assume we have God’s protection but that we must seek him and ask for his protection. Of course he loves us all but his power and protection are activated the more we seek him and follow his plan.
So we prepared and watched for the storm as the week approached. As we continued to watch the news it became clear it was heading right for us. I felt God confirming that yes we should evacuate and leave, but I also felt a peace that he would keep his promise of protection for our family and our home. I don’t think Chris was feeling the same. For the first time in a while I realized that I have to be the strong one who continues to remind both of us that God is going to protect us. I remember riding out the storm overnight in central Florida with our kids asleep in the bedroom. I stared at the ceiling the whole night and a few times shot up in bed wondering if I should wake the kids and take shelter. During that time I prayed and talked to God. It’s funny how there are key moments in my life where I knew without a doubt that everything would be ok. This was one of those moments. Even after the storm was over and it was morning, I found my husband still quite emotional and concerned.
I continued to draw on the scripture from Matthew and remind him that we must have faith. It doesn’t take a lot of faith it just takes a person who is not going to give up on that tiny faith, in order for the miracles of God’s protection to be clear. After the storm was over we headed home the next day. As we entered our neighborhood it didn’t look bad at first glance until we continued down the flooded streets. We made it to our home and sure enough it was unharmed. This was a miracle considering the main sliding glass doors in the back of the house did not have their shutters on. We were unable to get those shutters on and even I was having doubts that they would withstand the winds. As we entered and noticed everything was in it’s place, I reminded myself that tiny faith goes a long way.
Even though the recovery efforts took a while and we had to leave the home again with our children, we made it through the storm. The storms in our life are not always something we watch on the weather report but rather events that might cause catastrophic destruction if we are outside the will and plan of God. I am continuing to learn that keeping God at the center of each storm is truly the way to live with a full heart and divine order of protection over whatever this life of ours will bring. When you face your storms you have a chance to rely on tiny faith from a big God who knows the beginning and end of all our encounters. For the Andrews house we are going to work on praising him not just when the storms hit but when things are quiet and calm as well. God is always wanting us to conform to his plan and it is so much easier to accept the changes and valleys when we rely on that tiny faith.