Throughout my journey with God He has shown me that his faithfulness comes in the most unusual ways but always works out for the best. I have been thinking a lot about writing a new blog, and wanted it to be truly unique so that it’s message could be unusual in a way that glorifies God. I have found the perfect circumstance to fit that desire.

My daughter is a little over three years old. When she was born I felt like time stood still. We locked eyes in a special way and I knew that she had an angel presence about her. She was beautiful, alert, and quiet in such a gentle way that it took my breath away. I admired her from the beginning and had a knowing that she would be better then me. I want her to be. I want her to become the woman that I am still striving to be. With each moment that passed since her birth she left me amazed with her presence. It was like she just “got it” from the very beginning. Everything was easy with her. I could go anywhere and do anything and she just knew the right way to be, act, and interact along the way.  It was hard to believe this was only three weeks into her sweet life on earth. Around the one month mark I began to notice that she was coughing and making funny noises. I took her to the doctor but because it was the weekend, it was a doctor she doesn’t normally see. He didn’t perform any tests and tried to tell me that she had “physiological reflux”. I went home frustrated and did some research. I couldn’t find anything on this whatsoever. A day passed and then another while she declined. I called Lynsie to talk but ended up getting some good Mom advice. As a nurse, Lynsie listened to me and suggested strongly that I call back. I did and that was the moment that saved my daughter the first time.

I took her to her regular doctor and he quickly noticed her symptoms and diagnosed her with RSV. I had heard this term but didn’t really know what it was all about. He informed me that it would involve further treatment.  I felt some guilty relief in that moment thinking “great, let’s get some antibiotics and get her better.” He informed me that she would be going to the hospital for “supportive care.” So I drove her to the hospital and spent a grueling 32 hours with her. She was easy and compliant, it was watching her getting poked, suctioned, and throw up multiple times that took it’s toll on the both of us. I realized that my “perfect” daughter already had a big bump in the road. I think in that moment I still felt like it wasn’t a big deal but secretly was very concerned. She improved dramatically and we went home. No one prepared me for what was to come. I learned that babies who have RSV can be diagnosed with asthma. What followed was months of coughing, wheezing, sleepless nights for all, and panic as a Mom who wanted her daughter to recover. I realize that this is minor compared to what other children and people go through. I also have learned that pain is pain and it still hurts no matter what the situation may be. I have been to the doctor with her more times then in my entire life without her. She has had what seems like every test and organ checked out before the age of two that I couldn’t think of what could possibly be left undone medically at that point. I panicked, had anxiety, cried, and was feeling concerned that this simple nightmare would never end. Yes, the sleepless nights got to me but not because I couldn’t manage, but because I couldn’t stand to watch her suffer night after night. I began to do what I know works beyond all human intervention. I began to pray.

I didn’t get demanding or unfaithful with my prayers but I just began to ask for a healing in God’s timing. One of the things that I have learned is that God is going to do whatever He wants according to his will, so I began to ask that if she is going to have asthma that it be easy and manageable for her. I began to accept this as her new normal. I made some diet changes for her and started to see some improvement. Summer is here is always the easy season for her. As she continued on not really getting worse but not really getting better, I began to decline. I have always struggled with allergies but as I have aged it has gotten worse. I began going to an allergist and discovered I am allergic to what feels like just about everything. I have an allergy to some foods, environment, and even pet allergies I was unaware of. It seemed like at this point my daughter and I were both struggling. My prayers began to change as I realized from speaking with my doctor that it was possible my condition could get worse. I began doing allergy shots only to find out after a year I have had even more symptoms. I never really prayed about my situation because I have been concerned about my daughter since basically her birth. One night I was praying and thinking about accepting her circumstance asking God to help me accept this for her if this was his will when he spoke to me. The holy spirit was clear in saying “She’s growing out of it but you are growing into it.” At first I was bummed but I was so quick to respond and say “give it to me.” “If it means that she can heal, I will take it, all of it.” I felt peace and understanding with that prayer. I felt that I was heard and that God would do something.

Just a few days ago I went to the allergist for my annual appointment to follow up and report my symptoms. I have been struggling to breath and it has become more apparent to me that something has changed. After talking with me and completing his exam, he informed me that I officially have asthma. Of course at this point I was a little sad and frustrated. As I came home and let it sink; in two things came to my mind. The first was if this is the worst thing I have to deal with at this moment that I am doing okay. The second thing was a sweet reminder from the Holy Spirit about God’s plan. I was quickly reminded that I was “growing  into it” as I had discovered in my prayers. I felt some relief because in that moment all I remembered was that “she is growing out of it.” I could only think about my sweet daughter who deserves the best. I realized that it was a reminder of the transformation God would make in her life. I have always known that God works in mysterious ways but this situation proved that his plan is unique and that He keeps his promises. I felt so passionate about sharing this because it really shows that God will do what we ask of him even if it means a sacrifice. I am excited that I have to look forward to my daughter having a complete healing. I also know that God will give me the resources to manage my own symptoms. I feel so confident with such a simple medical issue that God will help me to overcome this in whatever way that I can. I know that it is much easier as an adult to deal with this then it would ever be for my daughter.

I share this because I think it is important to remember that we serve a God who is faithful and will commit to us as long as we commit to him. We also serve a God that heals and provides the means to heal even the hardest of circumstances. It reminded me that I might need to sacrifice for the will of God but that He will continue to protect me and my daughter with only the best intentions. Being in the commitment with God means sacrificing, but it also means receiving blessings beyond measure. I have learned that when the Holy Spirit speaks, it is the God given truth and is not to be taken lightly. God has the final say in everything  so we don’t have to be afraid with what He hands us.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight.”  Proverbs: 3-5

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